


Link and the Blue Tektites

by SaniCarmander



Category: The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Funny, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 16:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaniCarmander/pseuds/SaniCarmander
Summary: Link is already having a bad day when he enters the Water Temple. Remember those two Blue Tektites that respawn every time you enter the main room? Well, let's just say Link gets a brilliant idea sure to improve his day.





	Link and the Blue Tektites

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my most recent playthrough of Ocarina of Time. As such, this is probably the most I've ever adhered to canon while writing a fanfiction, as I usually set my stories after the events of the game. I really enjoyed writing a piece for the Hero of Time, though. I've always imagined his personality as being very imaginative, bizarre, and quirky, and I hope I showed that. (Also yes, I know the Hero of Time doesn't wear chain mail, but I couldn't think of anything else he could use.)

        Link was annoyed.  _Very_ annoyed. Why? Well, it probably started when he stepped into Zora's Domain that morning. Ice. Everywhere, coating every surface like the jizz of some cackling monster. He hated the cold with a burning passion. Then he had his little fairy friend tingling in his ear. "Hey, listen!" He turned towards Navi, an eyebrow raised. "An arctic wind is blowing from Zora's River-- Do you feel it?" He looked down at the frost on his boots, then back up at Navi. If looks could kill, her blue ass would have fried.  
        King Zora was just as useless, seeing as he was frozen. Link even tried setting him on fire, but  _of course_ the red ice was magic! Why wouldn't it be magic?! What had he made an extra trip to the Great Fairy at Hyrule Castle for anyway? Clearly so he could NOT use fire, and therefore NOT melt ice. And he had this quest thing figured out by now; clearly this meant diving into the Zora's Fountain IN THE FREEZING-ASS-COLD, then making his way through that Din-forsaken frozen cavern. Okay, he saw Sheik, which was a plus. It was probably a good thing Link rarely strung more than five words together, because what was going through his mind at that moment were not words that a princess needed to hear. Oh yeah, because he knew. He already had a bet placed with Saria: if Sheik wasn't Princess Zelda in disguise, he had to eat a Deku Nut. But Zelda insisted on putting up the whole "mysterious helper" act, and frankly it was getting under his skin. And then, after he thought he was finally done with the cold, he remembered seeing a Piece of Heart at the bottom of the fountain. Stylish new tunic on, he had one last commemorative dip in the frigid water.  
        Later, after warping to Lake Hylia, Link was finally at the Water Temple. He was already tired, and certainly didn't relish the thought of how he'd feel after taking on two dungeons in one day. He had tried propping up against that big tree above the temple for a nap before continuing his adventure. Just as he was dozing off, he heard the loud squawk of a Guay, and SPLAT. A smelly wet liquid landed on his face, closely followed by a dive-bombing beak. Welp, that's what he got for postponing the call of destiny.  
        So he finally entered the temple. On the plus side, the temple itself was quite pretty. He liked the symmetrical architecture of it as well as the cool color scheme accented by warm reds, even though the atmosphere carried the weight of menace common to all dungeons. There were two Blue Tektites in the main chamber; he dispatched them with no problem, even glad to vent his anger on a few minor enemies. The shit on his face was rinsed off as he dove in the water, which was just as well. Because who should he meet almost immediately, but his old friend Princess Ruto. Except apparently she was under some delusion that they were engaged.   
        Not that he was the best talker in the first place, but he sure as hell couldn't crush Ruto's hopes and dreams with a mouthful of water. He tried to follow her, as she instructed... and she immediately disappeared. What? Link stamped his foot, thinking that now he'd have to spend time thinking about letting her down, instead of just getting it over with. Look, not that she wasn't pretty, and she was definitely pretty funny, but... she smelled like fish. He was  _not_ lying next to a fish every night. He had already set his sights on Malon, anyway. He reentered the main room, and dispatched two more Blue Tektites (were those the same ones?)  
        It was probably a good thing he thought of the sweet farm girl then; it helped him keep his sanity as the temple revealed himself to be the biggest son of a bitch he had yet to encounter. He finally found one key, and reentered the main room. Two more dead Tektites. He ran around in circles, changed the water level five times, and found another key. Two more dead Tektites. He finally had a breakthrough, and was just celebrating. He killed five more Tektites. And then he met  _that fucker._  
        It was creepy enough seeing a double of himself, but those red eyes and that pointy toothed grin didn't help. This was no ordinary enemy, he could tell, and the worst part was that the other guy  _talked to him._  Not out loud, mind you, but he said things in Link's head as they fought.  _Foolish boy, didn't the first two times teach you that thrusts don't work?_ Stars erupted in his field of vision as the dark flat of his enemy's blade was brought down over his head.  _My guard was open just then, idiot. Use your slice. Hahaha..._ Link finally landed a hit on the shadow, who shot him an ugly look before teleporting behind him.  _Sorry, did you hit me, or is your fairy friend trying to feel me up?_ At what he took as a slight against Navi,Link had had enough, and an inspiration struck him. A glowing orange orb formed in the palm of his left hand. "Burn in Hell, weak bastard," he whispered in his barely used voice, and slammed the flame to the ground, where it erupted into an all-encompassing inferno. The battle was his after that, and soon after the Longshot was his too.  
        But now he was fucking tired, and just  _done_. He floated up from the west end of the room like a jellyfish, scrambling onto the floating block by the west door and plopping down. He propped his leaden body against the wall. Navi fluttered by his ear. "Hey, Link, you getting tired? I sure am. Why not take a break and rest for a while?" Link sighed in acknowledgement, gently tucking the tiny blue woman in his tunic.  _Way ahead of you, little friend._ "I feel like a sack of Guay shit," he muttered aloud.  
        And then he heard the jumping. Steady, rhythmic, a sound peculiar to Blue Fucking Tektites. Of course, how had he not noticed before? Every time he came into this room, there they were. Again, and again, and again. Endlessly. Each time he killed two, they were replaced by another pair. A red eye game into his view, slowly bouncing toward him. Exactly how many times had he killed it now? He eyed its movements blankly, contemplating if it'd be worth getting up to kill it yet again. Really, on top of everything else he had to deal with, these minor annoyances were nothing short of insulting.  
        A brilliant idea struck him just as the crab-like creature reached the edge of the platform he was resting on. In one swift movement his new Longshot was out, and SMACK. The Tektite's whole body glowed a deeper shade of blue as it stood on the water, stunned. "Link! What are you doing?" Navi squeaked from within his tunic as Link stood up and approached the helpless creature. "You'll see," he answered, a sly grin crossing his face. He quickly reached up his tunic, fumbling his chain mail and tore off a long length of links that had broken during the fight with his dark side. In seconds, it was wrapped all the way around and crisscrossed across the stunned Tektite. The Tektite's pallor was returning to normal quickly. Link raised it in the air by the chain mail strap across its back just as it regained consciousness. It tried to resume bouncing, but suspended in midair its legs only flailed uselessly. Navi tittered from inside his tunic, poking her head out to watch. "Link, what did you do?" He looked down at her and smiled. "We have a pet now," he explained simply.  
        The Tektite stopped flailing and stared at him reproachfully, its red eye shining. "Woah, you think it understands us?" Navi asked in surprise. Link shrugged. "Alright, little buddy," he addressed the Tektite, "Let's go get your friend." His little buddy squirmed frantically as Link skipped over round to the east side of the temple, where he knew he'd find the other Tektite. One well-placed hit with the Longshot, and it was stunned. Link giggled and shushed the first Tektite, who shot him a look of utter disbelief before dropping its legs helplessly. Holding the first Tektite in one hand, Link swiftly undid his belt, and in seconds had yet another Tektite harnessed. Navi was now giggling and twinkling in earnest. "Seriously Link, what do you have planned here?" she asked. "I- whoops, no ya don't!" Link laughed as he grabbed the second Tektite just as it regained consciousness.  
        The two Tektites, now both in his grasp, first looked at him and then at each other. Apparently the first one convinced the other that it was useless to struggle, because it didn't even try to jump. Link smiled. "Good boys," he praised them. They looked at each other again. He took out his old Hookshot and glanced at Navi. "Won't need this anymore," he explained as he ripped the chain out with the hand that wasn't holding down the two Tektites, gripping the Hookshot between his knees. It broke easily under command of Link's adventure-hardened muscles, leaving behind several meters of chain. He then held the chain in the middle and fastened each end tightly to the makeshift harnesses: the Tektites were now on a leash, and Navi was guffawing.  
        Link grinned down triumphantly at the two Tektites, who were apparently too shocked to react to being harnessed and leashed like a pair of puppies. Link pointed to the one on the left. "Your name is Jumpy," he stated, then pointed to the one on the right. "And you're Bouncy. I'm tired of killing you." Jumpy and Bouncy looked incredulous, shuffling their legs slightly. "Come on!" he shouted, and all of sudden belly-flopped onto the hard-shelled, spiky backs of the Tektites.  
        Jumpy and Bouncy did not like this, and they reacted in the first way instinct told them to: JUMP! JUMP!! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS EVIL, JUMP!!! Link cackled madly as he flopped up and down on the back of the two leaping Tektites, who weren't jumping quite in sync but were held together by Link's bootleg harness. It was a wild ride for the mirthless hero, being flung several feet into the air and landing in a straddle across both spiky creatures. It only lasted for a few seconds, however, as he was soon flung sideways into the water. He clung to the chain as he splashed in, still laughing joyfully. As his head surfaced, he saw the two Tektites struggling to stay on the platform, apparently terrifying of being dragged underwater by his weight. He grabbed the ledge and pulled himself onto the platform, giggling.  
        "Having fun there, Mr. Child Hero?" Navi asked. Her legs were crossed in midair, her elbows on her knees and her tiny fingers resting on her chin as she smirked down at the soaking wet man. Link smirked back, and nodded, then looked back over at Jumpy and Bouncy. They attempted to back up several paces, uttering a low growl, but only managed to trip over each other as they reached the end of the chain. Link tugged at them, gently urging them back close to him. "Let's go, pets. I'll let you eat the boss monster when I'm done with it." Jumpy and Bouncy perked back up, suddenly eager to follow Link to the north end of the room. He grinned at them; well, that was one annoyance taken care of.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on DeviantArt!
> 
> https://drbadassphd.deviantart.com/


End file.
